Dear Alma,
I’ve been friends with the same two women for many years. One of them is very wealthy and has always included us in her lifestyle—taking us on extravagant trips, cruises, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences around the world. She is also incredibly generous and often gives us expensive gifts.
She is a good person, but she can also be overbearing at times. I’ll admit that I have overlooked most of those things because I appreciate the opportunities and experiences she has brought into my life.
A few weeks ago, I noticed that our other friend seemed to be avoiding me. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but eventually it became impossible to ignore. She stopped showing up when she knew I would be there, and she seemed to distance herself completely. I tried calling and texting her, but she hasn’t responded.
I mentioned this to our wealthy friend, and she laughed and told me she knew exactly why I was being ignored.
As I drove home afterward, thinking about the conversation, something bothered me. I realized that the reason she gave me for my friend’s behavior was information I had only shared with her, privately. That’s when I started to feel like I had been betrayed and possibly used.
Now I’m unsure what to do.
Should I confront my wealthy friend and remind her that she was the only person I shared that information with, then see how she responds? Or should I quietly step away from a 12-year friendship that no longer feels trustworthy?
I’m struggling because there is history, but I also don’t want to continue a friendship where I feel manipulated or where private conversations may not stay private.
Signed,
Friends Maybe
Alright girl, you’ve been played. Now it’s time to figure out what league you want to play in—and stay there.
From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you truly love or even enjoy this friendship with all its so-called benefits. You didn’t mention one thing you genuinely admire about this woman. Not one. All you talked about was the money she spends, the gifts she buys, and the fabulous places you get to go.
Real friendships aren’t built on first-class flights and luxury vacations. They’re meaningful whether you’re on a cruise or sitting on a park bench. It’s the time you spend together, the laughs you share, and the love you have for each other that matter.
TBT, I don’t even think you like her. I think you tolerate her because she gives you access to a lifestyle you couldn’t otherwise afford. And you haven’t even been honest with yourself about that. No judgment—I get it.
So girl, let’s not act surprised that she spilled the tea. Like my mama used to say, “If they gossiping with you, what makes you think they not gossiping about you?” Come on now…you’ve heard that before.
If you walked away from this friendship today, I doubt you’d miss her—or the other friend. It sounds like to me, you’d miss the gifts, the trips, and the VIP treatment. That’s because there’s no real love, trust, or mutual respect holding this friendship together.
Walk away and spend some time working on you. Seek friends who love being around you because of who you are—not because of what you can do for them or what they can do for you. Living in relationships built on transactions instead of love is a lonely place to be.
You need a friendship like Oprah and Gayle, Sherri and Niecy, Dee and me. We laugh together, cry together, tell each other the truth, and remind each other often that we’re ride-or-die.
Now that’s the kind of friendship worth holding onto.
But girl…we still got questions!
