Are all sisters supposed to be close? Because, honestly, I don’t feel connected to mine.
I’m 27, and my sister is 23. We are complete opposites in almost every way. I love exercising, being outdoors, and staying active. She prefers a much quieter lifestyle and rarely wants to go out. I enjoy socializing and spending time with friends, while she is more of a homebody.
I have a full life surrounded by wonderful people, and she is much more of a loner. I don’t judge her for being an introvert; I just feel like we don’t have much in common.
After both of our parents passed away, we slowly drifted even further apart. The truth is, I’m okay with the distance. I don’t dislike my sister, and if she truly needed me, I would absolutely be there for her. But if she weren’t my sister, I honestly don’t think we would choose to be friends.
Recently, my best friend told me I should make more of an effort and try harder to be a better big sister. She believes I’m responsible for helping create a closer relationship.
I understand where she’s coming from, but I’m struggling with the idea that I’m obligated to force a bond that doesn’t feel natural.
So my question is: Are we obligated to be close to our siblings simply because we share the same family? Or is it okay to accept that some siblings may love each other but not have a close friendship?
Am I being a terrible sister, or am I simply being honest about the relationship we have?
Hey, Not Too Close, Sis,
Are all siblings supposed to be close? Because you and your sister aren’t, and that’s your concern.
Here’s my take: siblings are not obligated to be best friends.
Family dynamics are complicated. Some siblings are inseparable, while others simply coexist. Neither automatically means the relationship is healthy or unhealthy.
What stood out to me is what you didn’t say. You never mentioned a major falling out, a betrayal, or a huge disagreement. Instead, you focused on how different your personalities and interests are. To me, that’s not a dealbreaker.
You don’t have to love the same hobbies to love each other.
Relationships aren’t built on matching personalities—they’re built on showing up. Maybe she loves hiking while you’d rather spend the day shopping. Maybe you compromise. Maybe one of you agrees to do something simply because the other enjoys it. That’s what people who care about each other do.
You talked about compatibility almost like you two are dating. Girl…you’re sisters.
Sisterhood is much deeper than having everything in common. You don’t have to be ready to go bungee jumping together, but you should be able to listen without judgment, offer compassion when life gets heavy, laugh until your stomach hurts, and remind each other that neither of you has to carry life’s burdens alone.
If you live in different states, you don’t have to talk every day. But you can schedule a Zoom or FaceTime, randomly send a funny meme, or check in sometimes with a simple, “I’m thinking about you.” Small actions build strong relationships.
Now, if your sister is a bully, constantly criticizing you, tearing you down, or bringing nothing but bad juju into your life, that’s different. You are never required to stay close to someone who repeatedly hurts you—even if you share the same parents.
Like any relationship, sisterhood becomes what both people are willing to invest in it.
If you truly want a closer relationship, don’t pursue it because your friend thinks you should. Do it because you want it. And when you do, be available to your sister in the way she needs you—not only in the ways that are comfortable for you. Let the relationship grow naturally instead of trying to force it into your own expectations.
I also think you both are young and…well…I’m about to make up a word.
You’re inner-involved. (Stay with me!)
When we’re younger, we’re naturally focused on our own lives, our own feelings, and what’s happening in our own little world. As we mature, we become more outer-involved (See what I did there?). We begin to see other people’s perspectives. We learn that relationships aren’t just about what we’re getting—they’re about what we’re giving, too.
So take baby steps. See where they lead. And when the time feels right, put on your favorite swimsuit and dive in headfirst.
Because if the two of you can build that bond, having a sister is one of life’s greatest blessings.
My one and only sister, Kim, is in heaven now, and I thank my lucky stars every single day that she was the sister chosen for me. There isn’t a milestone, heartbreak, celebration, or ordinary Tuesday that doesn’t make me wish I could pick up the phone and hear her voice.
When my granddaughter was born, my very first thought was, “I can’t tell Kim.” And in that moment, my joy intertwined with heartbreak.
That’s why this matters.
And I’ll leave you with something my co-host and bestie, DeeDee, said on my “Ask Alma” podcast after hearing your question:
“Just because she’s not like you doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.”
Now that’s worth remembering.
